Saw V


We tend to think pastors or church leaders as sinless or that they have it all together…but we are just as corrupt as the next person.

For me, my corrupt nature will usually bleed out when I am in contact with, or in the vicinity of, any hardware tool. If you are one who determines manhood by how well a guy can build something, then picture me in a skirt…a pink one, with ruffles along the bottom.

I live in a 100-year-old home that if you were to you drive by, you would just know that the man of the house is mechanically challenged. Our home was actually moved to the next street down about 80 years ago on logs. So when we are at carnivals and our four kids want to go into the fun house with uneven floors, shaking walls, and unbearable noise…I just assume they miss home.

It was about 12 months ago when my wife and I decided to paint our kitchen. Upon entering into this project we discovered that one of our cabinets needed to have an inner panel replaced. This would require the use of foreign objects like wood, a saw, and a hammer.

Unfortunately, the piece of wood needed to be cut just right to fit within the brackets inside the cabinet. And so with each attempt to shave down the long side of the wooden board with just a handsaw, the more frustrated I grew. Back and forth I went from the basement to the kitchen sawing this piece of wood. The more trips I took the worse my vocabulary became and the less mature I became.

Now being the complete baby and moron I am within these situations, I was sawing rather loud in the basement…something I like to call scream sawing. Due to the constant sawing, the pain in my feeble arms, and my mounting need to release frustration, I was in my basement screaming at the top of my lungs, as I not only sawed this piece of wood, but attacked it. It was man verse nature.

My actions were so disturbing that my wife went up stairs with the kids, allowing me to soak in my evil. I finally got the panel in place, but it wasn’t ever right, ending with a bloody, hammered hand.

It was at that time my wife came down to tell me that a police car was parked at the front of our house. You see I had forgotten that the small windows in my basement were open for the whole neighborhood to hear my sawing “technique.”

Knowing the police where at the door, my immediate reaction was to flush any powder-like substance down the toilet because that is what I always saw people do on “Cops.” But I went to the door and saw the police officer peering through the window, as she had probably been knocking for some time, realizing our doorbell didn’t work (again, I am mechanically challenged!).

As I opened the door (with a bloody hand and hammer), she told me they had a report of a disturbance coming from our home. I was still pretty frustrated, so had an attitude thinking I have every right to scream saw in my house. I told her it was a really big project I was doing (sawing one piece of wood) and that everything was fine.

Unfortunately, she said she needed to see my wife to be sure everything was okay. What an absolute pleasure that was…to bring my wife to the door. I’ll never forget the look on my wife’s face when she came to the door. Realizing this whole disturbance was a case of a mechanically challenged idiot, the officer quickly left with her final words being, “Maybe you should take a break.”

Later on, I asked our neighbors if they had called the cops, but they had not heard the scream sawing or even knew the police had came. Each time I asked, that then forced me to explain the situation, and how much of a moron I can be. Their response was always with laughter and relief that they weren’t the only “crazy” one on the block.

And as there is humor to this story, there is also great disappointment and sadness. I know for sure that I misused God’s name with much profanity that day…several times over. But I misused His name at a deeper level…in the witness I displayed to my wife and children, and to the person who was out walking their dog on our street that day thinking a mad man was in his basement sawing his wife in half.

Proverbs 29:11 says, “A fool gives full vent to his anger, but a wise man keeps himself under control.” I long for the day to be wise within this area of my life.


~ by Dave Smith on February 7, 2008.

3 Responses to “Saw V”

  1. Oh man, that story is just as funny every time I hear it! Thanks for sharing your humanity with us, Dave.

  2. The story still isn’t that fun to Jen for some reason.

  3. Maybe you should have called Knute to help?

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